Presenting… my new life mantra!
“Your neuroses are like diamonds.”
I had to share this article from Girls star Zosia Marnet for Glamour. It was just too life changing and awesome.
You can view it on Glamour here.
Girls Star Zosia Mamet Shares Why Your So-Called “Flaws” Make You Awesome
“Your neuroses are like diamonds.” A friend said that to me once, and it really split my world open. My insecurities are something I’d always disliked about myself; the idea that they were something special and not a curse was strange to me. But I’ve come to realize she’s totally right. Now the thought of hiding them seems sacrilegious or like going through life with a mask on my face. I don’t walk around naked, shouting “Hey, I’m neurotic!” to anyone who will listen, but I have learned to be direct and honest about my issues, and my life is a hell of a lot better because of it.
When I say “neuroses,” I’m not talking about chewing your cereal funny or liking to sleep only on the right side of the bed; I’m talking about the heavy stuff: things we don’t like about ourselves or that scare us. For me, it’s owning the fact that I have a sensitive disposition along with a rampant imagination that makes up crazy stories and convinces me they’re true. I feel things intensely, and that sometimes brings on waves of profound sorrow.
Until recently, I kept this stuff hidden away deep inside for fear of it turning people off, especially guys. I shut off a huge part of myself and pretended it didn’t exist. In doing so, I was pretending I didn’t exist, and, sadly, I started not to.
It all came to a head earlier this year with my boyfriend. I had booked an acting job in L.A. that was going to take me away from him for a month. Of course my brain cooked up elaborate stories of how my absence would make him realize that I was crazy or that he didn’t really love me. It got so bad that I couldn’t hide it. I finally broke down, sobbing about how my trip was going to break us up. “Let’s just rip the Band-Aid off now,” I blubbered, sure he was going to run for the hills at this display—but he didn’t. He stroked my hair and kissed my forehead and told me he loves how f–king weird I am. (This applies to both of us, by the way. He’s got issues I adore that I’m sure girls who came before me found unbearable.)
Later I told my friend about this, and that’s when she told me her theory: Neuroses and emotional quirks aren’t things to hide but delicate and precious treasures. She urged me to share these “diamonds” and reassured me the right person would love them and appreciate them. She was right. My relationship is stronger and happier and more trusting now that everything is out in the open, and I am more myself than ever before.
A note here: When I say we need to share our neuroses with the people close to us, I don’t mean just boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands, or wives, but any and all relationships, because they’re all based on trust. Shouldn’t we be honest in all of them? You don’t need to bare everything to the world, but you must to the people you’re intimate with, because isn’t that what intimacy is? Wouldn’t you rather be your real self instead of an unrealistic idea of perfection? Let’s give ourselves a break.
If you want other people to value your quirks and foibles as treasures, however, you have to do so yourself. Whether yours include fear of abandonment or a tendency to hide in the corner at parties, yes, they are diamonds in the eye of the right beholder, but they must also be diamonds in the eye of the wearer. Cheesy as it sounds, if you don’t see your neuroses as beautiful, neither will anyone else. So polish those jewels, cherish them, and share them. What’s the point of having diamonds if you don’t wear them?
My Zo-Called Life will appear in Glamour every other month. Follow Zosia on Twitter @ZosiaRMamet.
To read more from our February issue, download the digital edition or pick a copy of Glamour on newsstands now.