12 years ago my world blew up.

February 17, 2003 a few minutes after 6:00 pm my Grandma passed. This day is hard every year, sometimes it seems easier and sometimes worse than the year before. I think I trick myself into thinking I’m okay and then the harsh reality sets in and I am no longer okay anymore.

I’ve tried everything. I’ve tried making it a special day, where we try to do something fun that she would have enjoyed. I’ve spent it at home, sometimes alone, sometimes not, regardless, sulking.

Today, I’m at work. I had lunch with my aunt, but I keep having periods of time where I am sitting, staring into space. My eyes well up with tears and I feel the deep gulps coming on. So, I take a sip of cold water and keep going, because what else is there to do.

I day dream and pretend that I can talk to her. The tears fall harder, but it’s worth it.